Killer Halloween Pie Read online

  Bert couldn’t help but smile. “You, sly old dog, you. Why didn’t you tell me you were planning this?”

  “I wanted it to be a surprise.”

  “I know, but I could have picked a costume to match the theme.”

  “Speaking of, I want to see your costume. Quick, go and get changed while I finish setting everything up.”

  “Right,” Bert agreed, grabbing her bag and heading into the church building. Finding the bathroom on the far side of the building, she walked inside and slipped into one of the stalls. She was just unzipping her bag when a noise stopped her.

  It sounded like someone was crying.

  Pausing and listening closer, Bert was almost positive about what it was she was hearing.

  Stepping back out of the stall, she walked along the row, trying to figure out which one the sound was coming from. Stopping at the door in the far corner, she realized someone was inside. “Hello?” she asked softly.

  The crying quieted.

  “Are you okay? Do you need help?” she pressed, not wanting to intrude if the person wanted to be alone, but wanting to offer a helping hand if she could.

  “I’m fine,” an adult voice whispered.

  “Are you sure? I mean, I could grab you some water or something. I could even just listen if you have a problem.”

  There was a definite pause. “Is that you, Mrs. Hannah?”

  Bert still didn’t recognize the voice, but answered anyway. “It’s me, yes.”

  A shuffling sound came from inside and the door opened. Bert instantly recognized the woman. “Talia, what’s going on?” she asked. Talia Grundy was a new member of the congregation, having just moved into the area a couple months prior. She was young and windowed, having lost her husband in a car accident while he was on a business trip. After his tragic passing, Talia had moved into the area to start a new job as the local librarian. It was a difficult situation to say the least.

  She stood in the stall, her hands clasped together, gripping something small. It appeared to be a micro-tape. Realizing that Bert had seen it, she slipped it into her pocket. “Nothing, really. I’m fine now.”

  Bert put a hand on her shoulder. “Now, I may be old, but I’m not blind. There is something wrong. What is it, honey?”

  Talia hesitated, giving a little shrug of embarrassment. “I just overheard some of the ladies, that’s all.”

  Bert narrowed her eyes and furrowed her brow. “The ladies?”

  “Not any of the woman you hang out with. Nothing they said was that important, you know?”

  She pursed her lips, already feeling irritated. Bert understood a few of the older ladies in the congregation had a poor habit of gossiping and spreading mean rumors. “Tell me what they said. Let’s just get this straightened out right away.”

  Again, the younger woman didn’t answer right away. Clearly, whatever had been said was eating at her—hurting her to her core. “Well . . .” she began, fingering her pocket.

  Suddenly, the door to the bathroom sprung open, forcing Talia to stop.

  Claudia Thompson stood there at the door, her red lipstick coated mouth in a permanent pout. If there was a ring leader of the church’s gossip group, it was her.

  Barely able to hold back a sob, Talia burst past the woman and out into the hallway.

  “Good heavens. Whatever could be wrong with that girl?” Claudia scoffed, acting as if nothing out of the ordinary had occurred.

  Bert narrowed her eyes at the woman.

  “I mean, gracious, she almost barreled me over. I’m not built for impact you know.”

  “Claudia, really?” Bert scolded.

  “What?” the woman gasped, putting a hand on her chest. “I wasn’t even in here. What have I done?”

  CHAPTER 3

  * * *

  Bert’s natural inclination to stick her nose into other people’s business took over, and she put both hands on her hips to show her distaste for Claudia’s actions.

  “What, dear? Why the devil are you staring at me like that?”

  “Claudia, you know exactly why,” Bert charged her.

  Claudia waved a hand in the air like she had no idea what was going on. “I haven’t the faintest clue what you could mean.” Walking over to the mirror, she looked at herself, pressing on the wrinkles at the corner of her eye, stretched them almost as if she believed they would stay put. “You know, you’d think with the technology we have these days, they’d figure out how to get rid of crow’s feet.”

  Bert stepped forward, possibly a little too close, to Claudia. “What did you say to that poor girl?”

  Popping open her lipstick, she reapplied it, even though she already had excess on her face. “I’ve never said word one to the poor thing.”

  Mean thoughts pinballed around Bert’s mind. This crazy woman should have been the last one to be casting judgments, but because she was rich and made large donations to the church, she acted more self-righteous than any normal person would. She was a prime example of someone who put on a face for social niceties, but was completely rotten on the inside. “Fine, what did you say about her that she overheard?”

  At this point, Claudia openly rolled her eyes and sighed. “Are we seriously playing this charade, Bert? I mean, after all, we aren’t teenagers anymore.”

  Then why do you always act like one? Bert wanted to say, but controlled herself. Taking a deep breath, she tried to calm down, realizing she was jumping to conclusions. “I apologize. Let me start over.”

  “Sure, dear, why don’t you do that?” she spoke with a condescending hiss, tossing her lipstick back into her purse and retrieving the black mascara. It was so subtle Bert almost missed it,

  “I just happened to stumble upon Talia while she was crying. She said she overheard some ladies talking about her and it hurt her feelings.”

  “And you believe her?” Claudia scoffed.

  Bert didn’t like the way that sounded. “Why wouldn’t I believe her? She’s a nice girl.”

  “You can’t take most people, especially a girl like that, at face value. I’d think you’d know that.”

  “Claudia,” she scolded.

  “Oh, poo. You know how these millennials are. Any little tiny thing will set them off and it’s boo-hoo home to mommy.”

  “You are aware that she lost her husband this year, correct?”

  Claudia finished up putting on her clumped mascara, acting like it didn’t look caked on. “I’m aware of that, but it doesn’t stop her from acting the part of a martyr, does it?”

  Bert gasped loudly.

  “All the while she’s playing games behind the scenes.”

  Bert could almost hear herself fuming at this woman’s arrogance, her breath moving in and out like a dragon’s fire. “What does that mean?”

  Claudia smiled and turned to face Bert for the first time, her eyes twinkling like they always did when she had a piece of juicy gossip. “Well, I heard from a very reliable source that our dear friend Talia isn’t so pure and innocent as she acts.”

  Bert hated the direction this was heading, but knew there was no turning back now. “For instance?”

  “There have been multiple men in the congregation that have reported that she’s made advances toward them.”

  “So, what? There are plenty of single men in our congregation. Maybe she’s just looking for some company during a difficult time.”

  “But the company of so many men? I mean, what does that say about her morals, my dear?”

  Bert gritted her teeth, getting tired of being called dear like she was some lesser person.

  “And that’s not the worst of it. Did you know that some of the men are married? Talk about a complete lack of morality. I say weed people like that out, separate the wheat from the tares.”

  Bert held back a swear word, and tried to ignore the last comment. “And you heard this from?”

  “A proper woman never divulges her secrets,” Claudia lilted with a smile. “All you need to kno
w is that they were reliable.”

  Bert had heard enough and knew full well she’d be wasting her breath arguing or trying to talk sense into her. “Fine, that’s fine,” she grunted.

  “Just remember, you didn’t hear it from me.”

  “Of course, not.” She stepped away, heading back to her stall. “I have to get changed into my costume before the trunk-or-treat starts.

  “Costume? Good heavens, Bertha, what are we, five years old?” Claudia insulted her.

  With one mighty huff, Bert slammed the stall door.

  CHAPTER 4

  * * *

  After changing into her costume, Bert waited to make sure Claudia had left before stepping out of the stall. The last thing she wanted was a full-on review from the church’s very own queen of gossip. Finally walking out, she examined herself in the mirror and smiled.

  She was ready to head back out to the trunk-or-treat.

  Grabbing her bag, she stepped out of the bathroom and headed for the side door.

  “Wowie, Bert. Who are you supposed to be?” Carla exclaimed upon seeing her best friend emerge from the church.

  “You like it?” she asked, doing a spin.

  “Sure, I do. I just don’t know what it is.”

  Bert looked down at herself. She was wearing a shiny pink jumpsuit. There were gold cuffs on the bottoms of the legs and the arms, gold shoulder pads, and a large circular gold collar. A badge in the shape of a sun was on the breast. Matching gloves helped to complete the ensemble. “I’m Vista Spire, from that old science fiction movie.”

  Carla’s face scrunched up in confusion.

  “The Star that Killed a World?”

  Still, Carla stared.

  “About the renegade planet of women who are trying to blow up Earth?”

  Carla started to laugh out loud, unable to hold it in any longer.

  “What?”

  “Nothing, seriously.”

  “It’s stupid, isn’t it?”

  “No, of course not. I’ve just never watched a whole lot of science-fiction myself. I don’t know anything about it.”

  Bert pointed at her friend. “That is something we need to remedy.”

  “Seriously, Bert. You never told me you were a sci-fi junky?” Carla asked, continuing to giggle.

  “As a matter of fact, yes. It’s a guilty pleasure of mine.” She didn’t admit it, but she had wanted to get a replica of the laser pistol Vista used in the movie, but it had cost far too much money online.

  “Well, Vista, better get over here and be ready to hand out pies to the kiddos. I think Pastor Chimney is getting ready to start us off.”

  Bert quickly hopped in line next to Carla’s car while the opening announcements and welcome were made. Groups of kids stood near their parents, eagerly shuffling their feet back and forth, waiting to be set free to run from car to car collecting candy and treats.

  Bert loved seeing them all in their costumes and admired the creativity of a few. There was the usual array of vampires, superheroes, princesses, and witches. Bert’s personal favorite was a little boy dressed as Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He wore a suit that was light gray on one side and black on the other. His hair was neat on one side but a mess on the other, and half his face was painted an angry green.

  Soon, they were off like a little horde of hungry zombies ready for the nightly feast. Bert and Carla had their hands full giving away all sorts of tasty treats to smiling faces. The ringing sound of children shouting trunk-or-treat never seemed to get old and only got more endearing each time.

  “Did you get a chance to see Peter’s car this year?” Carla asked in between handouts.

  “No, I completely forgot to look, I was so preoccupied with my costume.” She had also been distracted by the little encounter with Claudia, the true witch of the evening in Bert’s opinion.

  “It was awesome. You should seriously take a break to go see it,” Carla urged her.

  “What was it this year? Something new?”

  Carla wiggled her eyebrows. “It’s a jungle theme.”

  “Jungle theme?” Bert asked, thinking that it didn’t sound very Halloween oriented.

  “Yeah, he’s got all kinds of fake plants and leaves hanging from the car, vampire bats in the windows that have been made to look like caves, a fog machine to make it seem misty, jungle drum music playing, and a whole ton of rubber snakes in the back trunk.” She shivered.

  “That creepy, huh?”

  “Just seeing all those snakes makes me feel all creepy crawly, but in a good way.”

  “Did Kay and Boka get a chance to see it?” Bert asked, referring to the congregation’s resident snake experts. She didn’t know the couple super well, but was aware that they’d once worked together in Africa studying snakes and other reptiles and amphibians. Now, Kay was a handler at the zoo in charge of the snake house, while Boka stayed home.

  Peter and Kay were close friends, so it would only make sense that they might have gone in together on the car’s decorations.

  Carla shook her head. “I don’t think Kay or his wife are here tonight. I haven’t seen them, at least.”

  “That’s too bad. Kay could tell Peter all the elements that were inaccurate about his display.”

  Both women laughed together.

  “Well, I better get over there and have a peek at his car. You can hold down the fort without me for a bit?”

  “Sure thing, boss,” she saluted.

  Bert waved, heading off down the parking lot to a section that backed up against the wooded lot. She followed the sound of jungle drums. Peter came into view, as did the rolling smoke from his car. All sorts of fake plants appeared to be growing out of the trunk and the backseat of the cat. The back window had brown butcher paper hung up to make it look like a cave inside. A green light cut through the fog, giving the whole thing an eerie appearance.

  She had to admit, he’d outdone himself this year.

  There was a buzz of kids all around wanting to get one of the coveted spider rings or a colorful rubber snake and dart frog. Bert held back, waiting for the crowd to clear a little before approaching to say hello.

  “There you go, and one for you as well,” Peter was saying, placing colorful favors in bags. He was dressed in a grass skirt with a huge feathery hat upon his head. His face was painted with a menacing skull design, but it went along nicely with his theme.

  “Where is your wife, Mr. Doorwall?” one of the older kids asked.

  “Oh, she wasn’t feeling very well and had to stay home tonight.”

  “Aw, that’s too bad. She’s been sick a lot lately,” the kid responded.

  It was true. Bert hadn’t seen Heidi attend a church function in probably two weeks. She hoped that whatever she had wasn’t serious.

  “I keep telling her to go to the doctor, but she just wants to stay home. Maybe you can talk some sense into her for me?”

  “No thanks,” the kid blurted before moving on, having lost interest in the conversation.

  The group began to thin out, and Bert started to approach. However, when she noticed Talia walking up in front of her, she waited.

  Something about the expression on Talia’s face told her that she wanted to talk to Peter alone. For the briefest second, she wondered if there was some truth to Claudia’s tall tales. “Stop it, Bert,” she scolded herself quietly. She refused to give into gossip.

  Holding back, Bert couldn’t help but eavesdrop.

  “Peter? D-Do you think we could talk privately?”

  His face scrunched up in concern. “Right now? I’m in the middle of handing out treats and my wife isn’t here to help out.”

  “After the trunk-or-treat then?” she offered. Her hand slid into her pocket.

  “Sure thing. We can talk,” he agreed, nodding his head.

  As she watched the conversation, something strange caught Bert’s eye in the back of the trunk. Through all the fog, it looked almost as if something was moving . . . slithering about back there.<
br />
  Was it possible he had gotten a few real snakes to crawl in and out with the fake ones, just to spook the kids? She wouldn’t put it past Peter. He loved Halloween, almost to a fault, and always went all out to give the best experience possible to the kids.

  However, her gut feeling told her something was off. Just the sight of the thing, whatever it was, moving about sent chills through her whole body. She’d seen garden snakes and other similar harmless animals in the Nebraska area, but nothing as large as this thing seemed to be.

  Its head started to come up, emerging from the slow-moving smoke. That instant, she felt like she might just throw up. The thing was real, alive, and so slimy. Its gray skin shimmered in the low light.

  Slowly opening its jaw, it revealed pure blackness inside its mouth. A hiss escaped its throat.

  “Look out,” Bert screamed.

  It was too late. Talia let out a shrill scream, throwing her arms up and startling the animal. With a swiftness that Bert had never seen, it struck the woman multiple times, twice in the arm and another in the neck, all while Peter stumbled backward and fell on the pavement in shock.

  “Everyone get clear, get clear,” Bert shouted, her voice causing children and adults both to scatter to the wind.

  Talia gripped her wounded arm and stumbled to the pavement in tears.

  “Call animal control, call nine-one-one,” Bert was ordering people, trying to get close enough to shut the lid on the trunk and trap the snake inside.

  She wasn’t fast enough and the snake slithered out, its body seemingly stretching on forever, and darted off quick as a shot into the nearby woods.

  CHAPTER 5

  * * *

  “Are you okay?” Bert asked, gently helping Talia up from the sidewalk.

  “I-I think so,” she admitted, her whole body shaking and sweat breaking out on her brow.

  “You’re sure, do the bites hurt?”